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The 26th Year

The 26th Year

I always enter each year with a sense of wonder about what happens next. Society has already deemed what birthdays we value like our "sweet 16", buying lottery tickets and voting at 18, having our first drink at 21, and then the rest of it goes downhill from there. I remember turning 25 and feeling like an almost real adult. I was excited because 25 seemed cool and hip but also made me feel more grown for whatever reason. Like most of my years, 25 was another blur in the grand scheme of things. Another year of me not hitting those lofty goals that I had set for myself when I was 12 and knew nothing about life. Goals like being married and having 2 kids were once again pushed to the bottom of my list.

Then enters 26...the less appealing older cousin of 25. I just knew that 26 was it for me. It was the year I was going to get my stuff together because it just is not cool to be a complete mess when you're 26. Man, if I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm still no closer to that husband or those kids, that six figure salary, that perfect body, or being politically correct at all times. But I am more alive. I really can't explain how some days I feel so in tune with myself and all my messiness. Days where I lay on the couch all day watching Netflix, days where I manage to spend $40 on groceries (including wine), days where I'm reminded that I can't drink like I did in college, days where someone doesn't text me back but I refrain from sending 100 messages saying "hellllloooooo", days where I make it to the gym and complete those 200 squats, days where my hair cooperates are all wins to me.

What I'm saying is, if 26 has taught me anything, it's that life is only as good as you make it. I got some unwanted news this past Friday which in the moment almost stole my joy. I began to ponder about something that was out of my control and also how this may take a toll on my mental state. Life can throw you into what seems like a never ending cycle of emotions but it is up to you to push through. I know there are some people who have viewed my life and thought "poor Kamil" based on some of the lemons that have been placed at my feet. If people only knew what I knew, you'd be saying, "lucky her". If I viewed my life from a bird's eye view, the good has certainly outweighed the bad and I've been blessed much more than I deserve. The bad times have built me into the person I am and have only given me more reason to appreciate the bad times. On the days where I feel like I haven't figured out this adult thing completely, I realize that I have certainly figured out living versus existing. I don't ever want to return to the life of being so busy planning that I don't enjoy the moment. I don't ever want to be that person who misses out on the joy of spontaneity because I'm so fixated on what went wrong. 26 is amazing just as every other year has been. I'm still a hot mess most days but life isn't so shabby. Own your life...all of it.

PTSD to Purpose

PTSD to Purpose

Enough Light for Us All

Enough Light for Us All