Blessing In Disguise
Words From KA: We are told that if we work hard and pray hard that we will receive what we want. I believe this to be true but what happens when the universe intercepts your original plan? How do you cope with a blessing that isn't really what you wanted? Michelle talks about her absolute dream job and how life sometimes throws us curveballs.
It is rare that I write my feelings, whether good or bad. It is just rare that I take the time to sit and be purposeful in my reflection. For the past three weeks, I have been doing a good amount of sitting but not a lot of reflection. I hope the little that I write today helps someone else stop, reflect, and progress.
For almost three weeks, I have been sitting on my couch due to a “forced vacation”. Some may call it unemployment others may say in-between gigs; whatever the title, I’ve been at home for three weeks without a job and without an income. Over a month ago, I made the decision to resign from my previous employer, after I had been offered my DREAM job. So let’s talk about my dream job for a second. This place has everything I want! The job is in DC (where I live), has an awesome healthcare plan, comes with my own office, a cell phone for work-related calls, and reduced fees for gym membership. Those benefits are just a few of the amazing perks that this place offers.
When I got the news that they wanted to hire me, I was elated. My previous job was good but challenged me in many ways that often did not benefit my personal growth. It resulted in negative attitudes towards my work and all-around lack of investment in being good at my job. Therefore, I was super excited to embark on this new opportunity as I felt it was going to be the push I needed to feel invested again. I began the paperwork, got my fingerprints done, did this and that, and then BAM.
Life came at me fast! Due to obstacles beyond my control, the job offer was rescinded. Now, when I say life came at me fast, what I mean is that the offer was rescinded two weeks after my initially proposed start date. When I first learned that I would be unable to start on the originally agreed upon date, I took it as an opportunity to rest and enjoy some me-time.
However, as the days continued to pass and my phone continued not to ring with updated information from my prospective employer, my spirits grew weary. Upon finally learning that I would not be able to work there due to a regulatory issue, I experienced a multitude of emotions ranging from anger to relief. I was so angry because I had sat on my couch for 2 WEEKS only to hear that I’ll probably continue sitting on that couch until I find another position and then relieved because I finally had an answer on what direction I needed to move in.
Thankfully, I secured another job 24 hours later. Yet, I did not have the same excitement for this job as I had for my “dream job”. I was so confused. I felt that job was a perfect fit but yet the job was not mine and here I was sitting in an orientation for a job that would do for the time being. I am now one week into my new job and I must say it has been difficult. I still think “what if” and wonder if I would be happier at the original job I wanted.
It has been a trying time for me as I try to accept the blessing bestowed upon me even though it’s not the blessing I asked for.
I wish I had some beautiful way to end this like by saying that I’m hopeful or that I know I’ll love it, but I don’t. What I will say is that I hope writing this helps someone else be okay with being upset that their blessing didn’t work out the way they wanted. It’s okay to be angry or feel confused. I’ve allowed this for myself so that I don’t skip these uncomfortable feelings only for them to return in the form of resentment and frustration months later. I know that things will improve and I am thankful for the blessing (so is my bank account). I also know that this has not been the easiest pill to swallow.
So my question to the universe is not why, but what do you want me to learn from this?