I remember going completely natural in 2010. I was in my second year of college and I felt liberated to be starting something new. The years have quickly passed and my hair has managed to take on a life of its own. It curves, it twirls, it bounces, it straightens, and it breaks. The crown that occupies hours at a time on wash days has the audacity to break as if I haven't done my part to keep it well. Not only does it break but if left untended it reeks havoc on the remaining healthy strands. Today I engaged in wash day and realized that I am terribly overdue for a trim. I realized this because my hair is still quite unruly even after a loving lather and rinse.
This post is not about my hair but my hair did ignite a lightbulb moment.
I have always been the type of person to keep people and things around longer than needed. In the back of my mind, I know it isn't any good but it seems like too much work to rid myself of whatever it is. I allow these distractions to set up shop in my life though they no longer serve a purpose. They don't make me sleep any better at night, they don't make me happy, and they surely don't add any other significant value.
Just like my hair, I had dead ends in my personal life. Dead ends stunt the growth of your hair and these people will do the same in regard to your own growth. Their presence will stifle you so much that you never realize by trimming them that you'll gain so much more in the future .
Until recently, I would feel guilty about removing people from my life. I would allow people who deep down meant me no good to remain because it was an easy choice. It was easy to remain friends with someone who was more of a frenemy because my real friends balanced it out. It was easy to allow an ex to pop back up because I was lonely with nothing better to do . I never noticed that their simple presence in my life was preventing growth straight from the roots. Their presence was a trigger for the breakage that had begun to spread into other areas of my life. If you don't trim your dead ends in time they will begin to attack anything healthy that wants to grow.
Learn to embrace change. Learn to embrace the idea of loss especially if it results in growth. We have to learn how to be unapologetic when it comes to the life we live. This means that sometimes you don't have a valid reason as to why but you do know your choices are necessary. It means having to close the door on some relationships since they don't empower you to be better. You have to be willing to cut those dead ends if you want to see truly healthy growth.
I've had constant conversations with myself about choosing to by my own biggest advocate. This means that we sometimes have to make uncomfortable decisions knowing that others won't understand it. I used to question my character when it came to allowing people in my life way beyond their due date. I would toy with the idea of how much they were weighing down even the great things in my life but then it dawned on me. They were present because I allowed them to be and hadn't taken action to remove them. Just like those frayed split ends, they sought refuge in a place where they didn't belong.
I can't say it is easy but be willing to do something nice for yourself. Believe it or not, the hardest but most life changing thing you can do for yourself is to protect your peace. For me this means that I have decided to unload the luggage I've been carrying around for even one day too long. It means making active choices to surround myself with people and activities that contribute to who I am as a person. It means knowing that you'll ultimately outgrow certain aspects of your life and having to be okay with what is collateral damage.
What are some things you're trimming from your life as you ahead into the new year?
Comment below and let me know!