Lessons from Loss: Part II
It’s been almost one week, give or take a couple of hours, since I said see you later. Actually it’s been two weeks but time stopped making sense a while ago. I’ve been searching for a redo button but in times like this, life doesn’t provide one.
It does however provide you a revisit button. It provides an uncanny ability to travel through times to the significant moments that made you and sometimes the ones that broke you apart. My memory has been filled with the good and the bad. The conversations had and the ones lost in the universe. The moments shared and those missed and those that will never come into fruition.
I cried at the table the other night In the midst of scrolling through Facebook and drinking a glass of wine. Emotions so raw that it’s evident God designed them just for me. In the midst of my uninvited and brief tears comes a text message. A text message offering condolences and support but so similar to the countless other ones that have funneled in.
Being on the receiving end has made me reflect on how I handle the grief of others. How do you show comfort when it really seems there is none to provide? How do you support your loved one when supporting them could be the catalyst of your own downfall? It’s one of those times when words often fail us and we find ourselves sending the standard message because that’s all we know.
Don’t get me wrong , I appreciate every message I’ve received but to be honest, I don’t know what I need. Every message that ends with let me know if you need anything leaves so much to be desired. What I need is a plot twist that brings my dad back and all is well with the world. What I need is a magic button that sends me back to reality.
Everything I need is nothing that man can provide.
This is where I start this journey by understanding and accepting that the messages are welcomed but this isn’t my key to healing. My healing is rooted in my faith and my ability to let God take the wheel. My healing is rooted in me believing that it does get better
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God...
I’ve had to remind myself during this time that it’s okay to not be okay. Some moments I find myself angry because I’ve managed to misconstrue well meaning messages. In moments of frustration, I make it my priority to not receive the sweet words that loved ones send. In moments of stubbornness, I decide to be angry and profess that no one in the world understands what I’m going through.
The truth is a lot of people understand this feeling of grief and it may not stem from the loss of parent. It may be a failed relationship, missed opportunities, etc. but sometimes it hurts all the same. The first step of dealing with these waves of emotion is deciding to actually ride the wave. The second step is allowing yourself to feel deeply because if not you’ll fail to feel at all.